Kwakuyinto emenyezelwe futhi sasazi ukuthi kungekudala kuzokwenzeka, kepha akekho owayefuna ukwazi izindaba zokufa kwesazi sezinzwa nomlobi U-Oliver Sacks. Ezinyangeni ezimbalwa ezedlule umbhali odumile umemezele emphakathini ukuthi i-melanoma esweni lakhe isinabele esibindini, ebesisesigabeni esibulalayo.
Namuhla, ngeSonto, sengineminyaka engama-82, lesi sihlakaniphi sangempela sesihambe unomphela, okwathi ngaphezu kokuba yisazi sezinzwa esidumile sase saziwa kakhulu ngezincwadi ezifana Indoda eyenze iphutha isigqoko somkayo.
Le ncwadi ihunyushelwe ezilimini eziningi ezahlukahlukene futhi ithengise amashumi ezinkulungwane zamakhophi emhlabeni jikelele. Kuyo uSacks usebenzisa ezinye zezimo zakhe zomtholampilo ukucabanga ngokwazi nesimo somuntu. Enye yezincwadi zakhe ezidume kakhulu, i-Awakenings, ilethwe esikrinini esikhulu esilingisa abalingisi ababili abanjengoRobin Williams noRobert De Niro.
«Ngenyanga edlule bengikhona unempilo enhle, ngisho ngokungagwegwesi kahle. Ngineminyaka engama-81, ngangisabhukuda imayela nsuku zonke. Kepha inhlanhla yami ibinomkhawulo: ngemuva nje kokuthola ukuthi nginakho ama-metastases amaningi esibindi«
Lokhu kube wukuvaleliswa (ungakufunda ngokugcwele ekugcineni kwendatshana) yombhali odumile lapho ethola imastastasis yomdlavuza wakhe ekugcineni futhi ngeshwa kubo bonke osekuqedile impilo yakhe.
Phumula ngokuthula ingwazi egama lingu-Oliver Sacks.
Ngeyami impilo
Esikhathini esingangenyanga esedlule nganginempilo enhle, ngisho ngikhuluma iqiniso nje. Ngineminyaka engama-81, ngangisabhukuda imayela nsuku zonke. Kepha inhlanhla yami ibinomkhawulo: ngemuva nje kokufunda ukuthi ngine-metastases amaningi esibindi. Eminyakeni eyisishiyagalolunye edlule kwatholakala isimila esingajwayelekile, i-ocular melanoma, esweni lami. Yize ukwelashwa ngemisebe nelaser engakuthola ukuthi ngikususe ekugcineni kwagcina kungiphuphuthekisile kulelo iso, akuvamile kakhulu ukuthi lolu hlobo lwesimila luzalane. Yebo, ngingowesibili 2%.
Ngiyabonga ukuthi ngijabulele iminyaka eyisishiyagalolunye yempilo enhle nokukhiqiza selokhu kwatholakala okokuqala, kepha isikhathi sesifikile sokubhekana nokufa eduze. Ama-Metastase ahlala kwengxenye yesithathu yesibindi sami, futhi yize ukuqhubeka kwawo kungabambezeleka, luhlobo lomdlavuza olungavinjelwa. Ngakho-ke kufanele ngithathe isinqumo sokuthi ngizophila kanjani izinyanga engisele nazo. Kufanele ngiphile kuzo ngendlela ecebe kakhulu, enamandla kakhulu futhi ekhiqizayo engingayenza. Ngikhuthazwa ngamazwi esinye sezazi zefilosofi engisithandayo, uDavid Hume, owathi, efunda ukuthi wayegula kakhulu, eneminyaka engama-65, wabhala umlando omfushane, ngosuku olulodwa ngo-Ephreli 1776. Wawubiza ngokuthi ngowami impilo.
"Ngicabanga ukuwohloka okusheshayo," wabhala. “Ukugula kwami kungizwise ubuhlungu obuncane kakhulu; futhi, yini okungajwayelekile, naphezu kokuwohloka kwami okukhulu, imimoya yami ayibanga nakancane umzuzwana. Nginothando olufanayo nokuhlala ngifunda futhi ngiyakujabulela ukuba nabanye ”.
Ngibe nenhlanhla enkulu yokuphila ngaphezu kweminyaka engama-80, futhi leyo minyaka engu-15 ende kunaleyo uHume ayiphile becebe ngomsebenzi njengothando. Ngaleso sikhathi ngishicilele izincwadi ezinhlanu futhi ngaqedela umlando wokuphila komuntu (omude kakhulu kunamakhasi amafushane kaHume) ozoshicilelwa kule ntwasahlobo; futhi nginezincwadi ezimbalwa ezingaphezulu kokuqeda.
UHume uqhubeke wathi: "Ngingu ...
Kulokhu ngihlukile kuHume. Yize ngibe nobudlelwano bothando nobungani, futhi anginazitha zangempela, angikwazi ukusho (futhi akekho noyedwa ongaziyo) ukuthi ngiyindoda enesizotha. Ngokuphambene nalokho, ngingumuntu ovutha amalangabi, onentshiseko enobudlova nokuntuleka okuphelele kokuzibamba kukho konke engikuthandayo.
Kodwa-ke kunombhalo osencwadini kaHume engivumelana kakhulu nawo: "Kunzima," wabhala, "ukuzizwa ngihlukane kakhulu nempilo kunamanje."
Ezinsukwini ezisanda kwedlula ngikwazile ukubona impilo yami sengathi bengiyibuka ngisekuphakameni okukhulu, ngohlobo lwendawo, futhi nginombono ojulile ngokujulile wobudlelwano phakathi kwazo zonke izingxenye zayo. Noma kunjalo, lokhu akusho ukuthi sekuphelile.
Ngokuphambene nalokho, ngizizwa ngiphila ngendlela emangalisayo, futhi ngiyafisa futhi ngiyethemba, ngesikhathi engisele ngaso, ukuqinisa ubungane bami, ukuvalelisa kubantu engibathandayo, ukubhala okuningi, ukuhamba uma nginamandla anele, thola amazinga amasha okuqonda nolwazi.
Lokho kusho ukuthi kuzofanele ngibe nesibindi, ngicace futhi ngiqonde ngqo, bese ngizama ukulungisa ama-akhawunti ami nezwe. Kepha ngizoba nesikhathi sokuzijabulisa (ngisho nokuba yisilima).
Ngokungazelelwe ngizizwa ngigxile futhi ngicacile. Anginaso isikhathi sanoma yini engadingekile. Kumele ngibeke phambili umsebenzi wami, abangane bami kanye nami. Ngizoyeka ukubuka izindaba zethelevishini njalo ebusuku. Ngizoyeka ukunaka ezepolitiki nezinkulumompikiswano ngokufudumala komhlaba.
Akukhona ukungabi nandaba kepha iqembu; Ngisakhathazeke kakhulu ngeMiddle East, ukufudumala kwembulunga yonke, ukungalingani okukhulayo, kepha akusekho ukukhathazeka kwami; ziyinto yesikhathi esizayo. Ngiyajabula lapho ngihlangana nabantu abasha abanethalente, ngisho nalowo owenza i-biopsy futhi wahlonza imastastases yami. Nginomuzwa wokuthi ikusasa lisezandleni ezinhle.
Ngiye ngabona ngokwengeziwe, cishe iminyaka eyishumi, ngokufa okwenzeka phakathi kwabantu besikhathi sami. Isizukulwane sami sesivele sisendleleni yokuphuma, futhi ukufa ngakunye ngizizwa njengeqembu, izinyembezi enginazo. Lapho sesinyamalele ngeke kube khona ofana nathi, kodwa-ke akekho umuntu olingana nabanye. Lapho umuntu efa, akunakwenzeka ukuthi angene esikhundleni sakhe. Ishiya umgodi ongeke ugcwaliswe, ngoba ikusasa lawo wonke umuntu - isiphetho sezakhi zofuzo nezangaphakathi - ukuba ngumuntu ohlukile, ukulandelela indlela yakhe, ukuphila impilo yakhe, nokufa ukufa kwakhe.
Angeke ngenze sengathi angisabi. Kepha umuzwa ovelele kimi ukubonga. Ngithandile futhi ngithandwa; Ngithole okuningi futhi ngikhokhele okuthile; Ngifundile, ngahamba, ngacabanga, futhi ngabhala. Ngibe nobudlelwano nezwe, ubudlelwano obukhethekile bababhali nabafundi.
Futhi ngaphezu kwakho konke, bengingumuntu onemizwa, isilwane esicabangayo kule planethi enhle, futhi lokho, kukodwa nje, kube yinhlanhla enkulu nokuzijabulisa.